God desires for us to have an intimate relationship with another person. The first thing he said to Adam and Eve after He created them was, “Be fruitful and multiply.” _{Genesis 1:26-28} God wants us to have sex and enjoy the experience with our spouse. In this post, I will be talking about sex in the confines of married love.

Our sexuality within marriage is an area of constant discovery. There is so much more to our sexuality than just the act itself. It is a combination of the people God made us be, how we relate to each other, and the deepest and most beautiful form of communication between the two of us. Being sexually intimate with your spouse is a sacred moment between you, your spouse, and God.

Intimacy and Marital Friendship

We, as a married couple, have a natural desire to be loved by our spouse in a deep and intimate way. Love has to be given away. There is no better, deeper, form of love-giving than when my husband and I give of ourselves to each other in an intimate way. When we do this, our love for each other grows, our friendship grows, and we have a stronger marriage as a result. Have you ever seen a couple that seemed to be so in love and happy? I’ll bet those two have a healthy, strong, and intimate sex life.

Prayer, Sex, and Intimacy

When I first heard that we should pray as a couple before sex, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Sex was not talked about when I was younger. It was a taboo topic. Sex and God were not mentioned together at all. Our culture has changed our views on what sex is and what it should be. In reality, bringing God into your love-making gives Him the opportunity to elevate it to another level and to lead it to perfection within the confines of your marriage. He brings an authenticity to your intimate act together. To be honest, do we pray every time we are sexually intimate with each other? The short answer is, no. But we are open to praying together whenever we need to take our love-making to a deeper, intimate, level which becomes a prayer to God.

Real Lovers, Real Honesty

God created us male and female so that we may compliment each other in every aspect of our marriage. I have to be authentic and honest towards Micky in our marriage. I have to be true to who I am with no reservations. I have to be totally self-giving to my husband and in turn he will be self-giving to me. We become one in body, soul, and spirit. If we hide or become dishonest, cracks will form, deceit and infidelity can enter in.

The Foundation to Sexual Intimacy

The following signposts are the lived expression of your wedding vows. These help you and your spouse to love each other freely, totally, and faithfully to each other.

• Sexual intimacy is Free
  • This does not mean sex is the freedom to do whatever you want. It is a free gift of yourself to your spouse. It is the freedom to be honest with each other, complimententing each other with our bodies, and giving of ourselves to our spouse. Sex is not to be used as a weapon or consequence. For instance, a husband shouldn’t use his wife lustfully for self-gratification. Likewise, a wife should not withold or use sex in exchange to get her husband to change his behavior. Sex is a loving, life-giving gift you give to your spouse.
• Sexual intimacy is Total
  • Every time Micky and I are sexually intimate with each other, we are renewing our wedding vows. We become totally committed to each other and become other-centered instead of being self-centered. We become unselfish to the other and give of ourselves totally, physically, and faithfully.
• Sexual intimacy is Faithful
  • Many times in the Bible, Jesus talks about couples must be faithful in marriage. Married couples need to be faithful to their vows. And they must work together with God’s help in prayer to avoid occasions to stray from each other. Micky and I are faithful to the vows we said to each other on our wedding day. Adultery does not bring honesty, honor, or love into our marriage.
• Sexual intimacy is Fruitful
  • Love must be given away. Our intimate love for each other is a way we can show the world that love grows. Our sons are a product of this life-giving love for each other. Each one is a blessing to our family because of our deep, intimate, love. As we grow older, our sexual intimacy can still be fruitful by being a role model for other couples. In a world where marriages are being cut short, our intimate love for each other can show couples that married life can be happy, free, total, honest, and life-long.

McCabe, T., MCCabe, R. and Popcak, G., 2017. Life Skills for Couples:. 2nd ed. West Chester, PA: Ascension Press, pp.107-117.

Have a meaningful conversation with your spouse about areas you may need to work on to grow your sexual intimacy with each other. Are there barriers or past experiences getting in the way? Is prayer before love-making something to consider? How can your intimacy for each other bring unity to your marriage?