One evening we were coming home from Mass when the discussion in our vehicle turned into a story about an actor that passed away recently. It was then that a thought hit me. So I asked my family, “Why is it we say nice things about people when they are dead but not while they are around us?” This question still plagues me to this day.

Another question I still ponder is, “Why is it so hard to hear compliments from another person?”

I think a lot of the questions I have stemmed from when I was little. They brought us up to be humble and not to expect compliments from others. If they complimented you, that was not the time to brag or elaborate on how great you are. Saying a quiet “Thank you” was all that needed to be said. In school, a simple sticker on your A+ paper told you got all the answers right, but it didn’t tell you how you were as a human being.

In my life, I am the one who is quietly working behind the scenes. I am making sure that everyone in my world has whatever they need and looks their very best on the stage. That includes my marriage, my family, and my work. I am doing whatever it takes to make sure that, even on rocky seas, our boat doesn’t capsize. To take someone for granted when everything is running smoothly is easy to do.

As a husband and wife team, appreciation for each other is necessary for a healthy relationship. Letting each other know how important they are to you brings vitality and a spark to your marriage. Case in point. I have been working on losing weight ever since our last son was born. It has been a struggle of Yo-Yo dieting for many years. Recently, I have found that intermittent fasting has been working well for me. It has been a gradual process, but I have had better results because of fasting. My husband and I were DJing an event and I had to change because it was a bit more formal than our usual events. After getting dressed in a shorter skirt I have never worn in years, I headed over to our table. My husband was on his computer, focused to get our lights ready, and didn’t see me. I stood out in front of the lights to check them and he finally looked up. In his amazement, he said, “Wow! You look so skinny!” That made my night. Knowing that my husband appreciated all the work I was putting in to become a healthier and more vibrant wife brought joy and a spark to my heart. We had one incredible evening. 😜

What are some things that you can do to appreciate each other in your marriage? I have a few suggestions to start a conversation or to light a spark into a love you never knew existed between you two.

• Surprise your husband/wife on a normal day. It is easy to buy flowers for Valentine’s day or a perfect gift for their birthday. Try surprising them on a regular day with no holiday attached to it to say you are thinking about them and appreciate them.
• Tell them you appreciate what they do for you. A hug and a sweet comment telling your husband/wife how much they mean to you can go a long way in building a solid foundation for your relationship.
• Do something for your spouse that you don’t normally do. Are there certain things around your home you don’t normally take care of? How about pitching in and taking care of those things for each other?
• Write a note to your spouse…by hand. In our electronic world, sometimes a hand-written note touches the heart in ways a text message cannot.
• Search the Internet for other ways to appreciate your spouse. There are many wonderful websites with almost endless ideas to appreciate each other.
• Start small. Your appreciation for eacher other doesn’t need to be anything elaborate or extravagant. Just simple.

To get the juices flowing for ideas in how to appreciate your spouse, think about the time when you first met, and those first months of your relationship. Those times where you couldn’t stop thinking about them during your day. The gifts you would shower each other with. Even the sweet things you said to each other. Marriage doesn’t mean those things have to end. Continue to shower each other with compliments and appreciation, and your love for each other will grow even more.

Today, take the time to do one thing that says you appreciate your spouse.