Think back to a time when you were choosing a friend to be with. It could be in Elementary school when you were just learning whether or not you were a social butterfly. Or maybe it was in Middle or High School where you found your “bestie for life”. What are some of the qualities of that person that made you be friends? Were they or did they…

• Helpful in some way
• Able to keep your deepest, darkest secrets
• Never talk about your faults to others
• Fun to be around
• Listen to you
• Accept you for being you
• Is always there when you need them

I met my best friend in High School. Being from a tiny town and having a High School merged with a neighboring town was scary for me. My class jumped from 5 students to 20. Seeing faces I didn’t know and upperclassmen who towered over me were intimidating. After a practical joke being played on me in 6th-grade, I was hesitant to make any new friends. To me, these people I shared classrooms with were acquaintances. Even my close friends I had from Elementary School found new friends to be with.

This person I met in High School had all the qualities I was looking for in a friend. Whenever I was having a bad day…my friend was there with a shoulder to cry on. Whenever I needed to study for a test or had difficulty in algebra (which was all the time)…my friend was there to help me understand. When I had success in High School…my friend was there to cheer me on. Deciding where to go to college…my friend helped with my decision. Freaking out over my parents not understanding me (yes, I was a typical teenage girl)…my friend was there to support me.

Years have gone by and my best friend is still there to support me in my failures and successes. My best friend and I love to hang out together and have a good time wherever we go. We talk daily and have the best relationship ever. Who is this bestie? It is my husband, Micky.

I find it fascinating and appalling when I see married couples in public and they are treating each other in a dishonorable way. How does it get that far? Where did love go so wrong for a couple who once loved each other “till death do us part”? Why are 2nd, 3rd, and 4th marriages so commonplace in our vernacular and 1st marriages are in the minority?

I have some suggestions for those who feel like their marriage isn’t what it once was.

• Do not be disrespectful about each other to anyone. Micky and I never “trash talk” about each other when we are with our friends and coworkers.
• Keep private conversations between the two of you. Our conversations between the two of us are just that… between the two of us.
• Stay positive in public. I learned very early in our marriage when you leave the house, you are representing your marriage and family to the world. What kind of message are we sending to those who are around us? We hold hands walking together and at church. We are having polite conversations with each other. If there is a disagreement, we table it for another time or for when we get home.
• Learn to laugh together. Life is so much sweeter when you are having fun with the one you love.
• Be there for each other. You’re a team. There are going to be times when your spouse needs some support. Be that soft shoulder to lean on when they need you. The love you receive from them will be twice as much.
• Treat each other like your good friends. Do you ever call your best friend “an f’n b*tch!”? Then why would you call your spouse that? There is no place for name-calling in our relationship. It is not life-giving. The only names we call each other are life-giving names like honey, sweetie, and sweetheart.

Today, have a conversation between the two of you about how you think your marriage is going. Can I share anything on my mind and heart with you? Do we treat each other respectfully? Is spending time together fun? Am I thinking about my spouse when I am away from them? Can we lean on each other when times get difficult? Are we best friends?