For as long as I can remember, I was always ‘the helper’. As a little girl, I observed my parents volunteering their time to help others on top of running a business and raising four children. My dad would push snow for neighbors, my mom would volunteer for the church, and they would urge me in a loving way (even when I didn’t want to 😉) to help around the house, babysit my brothers, and help out at the store. I observed the joy others had for my parents when they would help out and that joy was something that I wanted to receive from others.

There is another side to being the helper. You slowly start to become self-reliant because the people in your circle see you as the dependant one, the one who gets things done, and you take over because you want it done the right way. You become the cheerleader for others and put yourself on hold. You start to think that no one will do anything for you and so you don’t ask for help.

My whole life has been giving to others, give, give, give. As a wife, mother, teacher, co-worker, and community member I have put others before myself. There is a vicious cycle that goes on in my brain. I constantly tell myself to help others so I can get the feedback or “high” from doing something for someone else and in that same thought, I think I don’t deserve any accolades for helping.

It is, for this reason, I won’t ask for help and if anyone offers, I say, “I got this. It’s no problem. I can handle it.”

I have now come to the realization that I am tired. I am tired of the constant fight in my brain. I am tired of always being the cheerleader. It is time for me. It is time to let go and let others offer to help me. It is time for me to let go of caring about what others think of me. It’s going to be OK.

I’m not sure how this thinking and rewiring of my brain will go. I just need to keep telling myself that it is going to be OK. And lots and lots of prayer.

Of course, I’m not going to change into someone who is demanding, selfish, and rude. That is not in my genes. I am just learning to let go and let others help me when they offer (even if it isn’t done the way I like it). If you know me, please be patient. God is working on me and through me. You might have to force your help on me.