Day 6 of Lent 2020
It all started when I was a little girl. My upbringing was a fabulous one when I look back on it. With two parents who loved each other (and still do today) and worked hard for all we ever needed or wanted. They gave my younger three brothers and me security, guidance, and love.
We all had expectations growing up. Cleaning our rooms, doing chores around the house, and we each had our roles to play within the family.
I learned very early on that I enjoyed pleasing my parents WAY more than displeasing them. Being the oldest I was leaned on for many jobs around the home to help out my stay at home mother.
One of my favorite “people-pleasing” moments was when I was watching over my brothers while our parents were away on vacation. Most days we just hung out around the house but when the day came that they were coming home it was “all hands on deck”. I scrubbed the kitchen, cleaned up all the toys, and even made a Welcome Home sign for them. I wanted my parents to relax when they came home not clean up after us hooligans.
Secretly though, I wanted the approval of my parents that I did a good job taking care of my brothers and the house. It filled my heart with joy whenever they approved of something I did. It was a motivation for me to do that for others.
It is very easy to slip from being a productive individual getting tasks done for your family, church, or employer to a people-pleaser. It all stems from one simple question. Who are you doing it for? Is God leading you in that direction or are you doing it the for approval of others?
Susan Newman has a great quote about people-pleasers that can fit some of us to a T. It does become a habit that, for me, is very hard to break.
“When you have the people-pleasing habit, it feels as if you have no control and no power over your life. Everybody else is running it. The PTA. The church. Your children. Your husband. Everyone’s taking a little piece of you all the time. You leave no time for yourself.” -Susan Newman
So start taking care of you first. Let God lead you where you need to go. Some of the people along your journey might not accept your answer of saying “No” to them. If that is the case, they do not need to be in your circle. Even Jesus didn’t please everyone he came in contact with.