Day 32 of Lent 2020

This one isn’t in the book I am reading for Lent, “40 Things to Give Up for Lent and Beyond” by Phil Ressler but it is one that I struggle with.

I am a perfectionist…for the most part. I put high standards upon myself in certain areas in my life.

• I edit everything I do before I send it out text, emails, letters and expect others to do the same but forgive them.
• I compare myself to others constantly. If someone looks better than me, has a cleaner, more organized house than me, you name it, I think I need to be just like them.
• I will bend over backward for people to show them I am a hard worker and that they are more important than me.
• If ever I leave the house, I am casual, but put together. You won’t find me wearing pajamas at Walmart.
• When I know someone is coming to our house, I am scrambling to make sure everything looks perfect before they show up.
• When I am writing a list or filling my grade book, if I make a mistake, I start over.

It is tiring to be a perfectionist. I may not look like it but on the inside, I am always thinking. My mind has several tabs open for the different things I need to do.

I have often told myself that it is OK to not be perfect. But that is easier said than done. There are a few places in my life that I feel aren’t perfect and that is alright. Those are the things I know I cannot control. But the things I can control consume me to an anxious wreck.

So what do I do to take care of those anxieties?

• I make lists. I have Post-It Notes everywhere. I even have them on my nightstand. This way I can get the ideas out of my head and close one of those tabs.
• I give myself permission to make mistakes. This is hard for me and it is still a work in process…daily.
• I offer it up. I offer to God all of my imperfections, thoughts, and work through prayer. I pray that He works through me and heals me of my perfectionist thoughts.

I do envy those who can just live life freely, without judgment and don’t care what anyone thinks about them. I hope to get there someday. Until then, I will continue to correct my mistakes.