As a middle school teacher, the hardest thing I have to do is teach students to be nice to one another.

For me, being nice to others is in my DNA. It is all because of my upbringing.

I grew up in a very small town in South Dakota with my parents and three younger brothers. It was during this time I learned how to be nice to others.

• Every snow day in the winter I would watch my dad leave his business to jump into his tractor to push snow for neighbors and community members.
• Whenever I would be upset with another student in my class my mom would tell me to ignore them.
• Watching my parents interact with other adults taught me how to respect and treat others.
• During my catechism classes, I understood early on that if you are nice to others you will get to Heaven.
• My parents taught us how to behave in public, with our siblings, and what integrity was. Parents taught us this, not the teachers.
• If there were any disagreements, it was done behind closed doors.

My husband and I pride ourselves on teaching our boys how to be kind and a good citizen when out in public. We have instilled this at an early age and have continued to teach these lessons as they are growing into young men.

This past week I had my observation with my assistant principal. She said (I’m paraphrasing) that I was an asset to the school and could tell that I really care about my students and they can tell that it is genuine from me.

I’m not used to hearing someone saying those things about me. I’m usually the one saying it to others. “It’s just who I am,” I told her.

Being nice is easy for me. I live my life by the quote from Saint Mother Mary Teresa, “Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.”

In my heart, it is hard for me to understand why being nice is difficult for others. In my head, I can try to reasonably understand how easy it can be to mean and unkind.

Things will go wrong throughout your life. People will hurt you. But does that mean you have to take it out on them or the people around you? Does that mean you have to be unkind to others because your life isn’t great?

A couple of weeks ago I was on my evening walk. Some cars were approaching me and I hustled to get to a driveway so I can get out of the way. Little did I know the driveway had black ice and I slipped and fell.

I wasn’t seriously hurt, but appalled that no one stopped to see if I was alright. A woman who saw me just drove on by as I was on the ground. I pulled myself together and limped back home.

I recovered with just a sore knee and a bruised ego.

The main thing that I have been struggling with recently is the kiddos I teach in middle school. Boys picking on each other thinking it is “funny”. Girls getting into fights because someone called them a name. Where is this coming from? Why is it OK? How can I control this?

I have been bending over backward trying to teach my students what it is like to be kind. Teaching them that life is much better if you are kind and doing what you are supposed to do. I am a teacher who tries to handle things in my classroom instead of sending the student out for every infraction. But I’m telling you that those days are quickly coming to an end. I am at my wit’s end trying to control my students (mainly the boys) in my classroom which I never had a problem with before.

I know it is not just me having difficulties with students in the classroom. We are teaching a generation of entitled, ribbon for participating, and “spoon-fed” generation of children. These same children who are taught at home, “boys will be boys”, “it’s just a phase”, “my child never does that”, “it’s not my fault. He did it!”, and “we can’t hurt their feelings”.

I even have a student now that labels everything as “racist” and it is getting uncomfortable trying to teach that class. I know he his getting this language at home and it is normal for him. But he doesn’t know that it is inappropriate in a public setting like a school.

All of the advice on the Internet is the same: “Don’t single out the student in front of the class.” “Don’t put their name on the board.” Don’t put them in a time-out.” “Be sensitive to the misbehaving student’s feelings.”

But what about the student they targeted or the classroom they were misbehaving in? Don’t their feelings count? I am getting frustrated with having an entire class being labeled because of a handful of bad students.

So all I can do is be the best teacher and role model I can be under the circumstances…and pray that parenting changes for the next generation of kiddos. It’s a tall order, but if we can get this generation of children to be kind to each other, maybe then we can have a nicer world when they are adults.

We, as adults, have to be better role models for our kids too. They are watching what we do. What they learn and see at home, they bring to the schools and in public. Otherwise, they will have tougher lessons to learn in the real world out of the safety of the home and school.

If you have any suggestions on how to teach students how to be kinder to each other that have worked for you in the classroom, please comment below.