I live with mental illness…….. It is not me personally; it is my husband and two of our three sons who are afflicted with this condition. Looking back on my family and history, we never saw anyone who was depressed or anxious about anything in their lives. If they were depressed or anxious, they hid it very well. This means while my husband and I were dating, I had no idea what mental illness, depression or anxiety even was. When we would have a rough patch in our relationship (we never fought) I always thought it was something that I did. And when I would confront him, his response was always, “It’s not you.” I was confused, hurt, and didn’t know what to do. So I did the only thing I could do. Be supportive, don’t leave, and just be there for him when he did need me. Over time I learned that the episodes only lasted a couple of days and he was “back to his old self again,” but I still did not know what it was.
One evening at my house we had one of our deep discussions telling each other about everything. He was telling me that he has a history of depression and anxiety and is trying to work through it. It was a very emotional experience for the two of us. Now I understood what was going on during those rough times and it really wasn’t me.
Fast forward several years and as our two youngest sons are growing I am seeing these same characteristics in them as I do in my husband. Symptoms may differ for each individual person and may differ to you, but for our family here is what I saw:
- It usually happens during the Fall/Early Winter. The time changes for us. It gets darker sooner, so a lack of sun is a big part of the depression.
- It is very stressful at that time. School, sports, jobs, holidays all play a part in thinking that they can’t handle juggling all of those balls and keep them in the air.
I am not an expert by any means on how to deal with depression and anxiety of a loved one. I just know what works for my family and me. Before we married, my husband and I told each other, “No matter what, divorce is NOT an option.” We are in the same boat on our ocean of life and sometimes I have to take the oars and get us to safety.
Luckily, in this day and age of the Internet, there are fantastic resources for family members who want to help. Mind Springs Health has a fantastic article, “60 Tips for Supporting a Family Member with Mental Illness.” You can get to the website HERE. The website Very Well Mind also has some posts you can refer to for help. You can get to that website HERE.
Whatever you do for your family, just remember to be supportive, give them time, and be there for them. You won’t be able to “fix” it, but you can be the one to help calm the seas in their mind.