When I was a little girl I always thought about being a teacher. I would have my dolls and stuffed animals lined up in rows and used my activity books as teaching materials. My 5th/6th grade inspired me that teaching was a good choice and so I continued on that path. After graduation, I headed to the University of South Dakota to pursue a degree in Elementary Education. In 3 1/2 years, I had my degree and was ready to find a school to continue my dream.

Teaching jobs were in short supply back then so I grabbed any job I could until there was an opening.

Finally, an opening for an after-school care teacher opened up and my foot was in the door at a small Catholic school in town. I moved my way up to Computer Teacher/Librarian and stayed in that position for 15 years.

I knew things weren’t going well between my staff and me when my 40th birthday came around and none of the teachers came to my party to celebrate. Sure they all have their reasons, but I felt I was on the bottom of the totem pole. Even though I put my heart, soul, and money into that school. (I have a huge heart.)

So off we moved to the western part of the state and I was lucky enough to grab a middle school computer teacher position quickly. At first, I was very nervous working with the older students but I fell in love with my new position quickly.

Seven years and three principals later I am starting to get that same feeling as the old school I moved from.

I was given the opportunity to visit another school in our state to see their STEM lab and how it all worked for them in the Elementary School and their Middle/High School. I was excited, pumped and prayed for the opportunity to have this system in our school. I got back and used hundreds of dollars buying things to make lessons in STEM happen in my classroom. I gathered materials from the Dollar Store, circuit sets, K’nex blocks, Legos I borrowed from my sons and tried to get it all to work in my room.

I didn’t have the systems in place for it to work. It worked for a little bit, but it lost its thunder. So I continued teaching with the laptops until I had a Lab of my own.

In the spring we had a meeting and the talk was to do the other schools in our district and skip ours. Oh, NO!! I fought for that lab to be brought to our school. My superintendent at the time valued my passion for my school in an email and reassured me we would get a STEAM lab. We would just have to wait a year.

Fast forward to this year and I had to have an interview to teach the lab because we had two other teachers in our building who were interested. Even though at the other schools the computer teacher just took over the lab, at my school that wasn’t the case. Which was fair because we had other teachers who were interested.

I went into the interview confident and ready with photos of my visit and also a plan on how I was to teach in the lab with the students. In my heart, I did all I could do and now it was up to my principal and vice-principal.

Friday, as I was about to leave, my principal came in to tell me their decision. I didn’t get it. I was bettered by another teacher who has an Engineering degree in her resume.

I came home despondent, defeated, and rejected. I sobbed the 20 miles home and into the arms of my supportive husband. I couldn’t sleep that night (which is rare for me) and all I could think about is WHY??

Time can give you clarity and this morning I am still going through the stages of grief since this was a project I fought for our school. So I am going to need some more time to think about what my options are going to be.

One thing I am is motivated….I am motivated to make this blog work for my family and me. I am motivated to light a fire under me at whatever position I get. I am also motivated to make some changes in my life after 25 years of teaching.

I’m not sure what that is yet….I will keep you posted.