Picture it. December 25, 1991. Small town South Dakota. A young, 19-year old girl was respectfully asked to be married the evening before. Many thoughts and questions were entering her mind even though she had been carefully planning for this moment in her life since she was a little girl.

She and her new fiancee were talking candidly with the girl’s parents about lifelong marriage. They have an exceptionally strong marriage and have weathered every storm that has crossed their paths and are nevertheless together to this day. One of the many questions they asked that day was, “How do you stay in a marriage for the long haul?”

Her brilliant mother carefully took a moment to ponder the question and said precisely, “Take care of the marriage first. The kids will follow.”

It never occurred to me when I was a little girl why my parents went away for a weekend at least every couple of months. It was no big deal to me and my brothers because we were able to stay with our grandparents. We loved staying with them and all of the fun adventures we had on the farm.

That day when I inquired my mother that question, to be honest, I kept it close to my heart, and I never really thought about it. Once our sons arrived, her words came to the surface. I completely appreciated what she alluded to. And I recognized what my parents were fabricating all those years ago when we were children. They were constructing our family with a firm foundation between the two of them.

Properly taking care of the marriage first doesn’t mean that the children are swept to the side and ignored. It is the couple’s responsibility to make sure they are taken care of physically, mentally, and spiritually. It means that you two need to invest ways to be alone together. Just the two of you. No kiddos.

Married couples need to have time away from their little ones and even older children, so they can reconnect, have uninterrupted time to discuss anything going on in their lives, and rest in each other’s arms. Micky and I have made that a priority in our marriage and our family.

I have some suggestions on how the two of you can make time for each other without the children so you can strengthen your marriage.

• Plan date nights. Take a look at your calendars and select a date or dates that work well for the two of you to spend the evening together. If you have to reschedule because something came up, RESCHEDULE. Do not allow your time together to slip away.
• Plan a weekend away. Your weekend away can be either extravagant or simple. It could be a cabin in the hills, a local hotel, or even a trip far away. No kiddos, please. They will be fine without you for a couple of days. Trust me.
• Plan a staycation. Money tight? Convince a family member or friend to take the kids for a day or two and just stay home. Create an intimate dinner with flowers, wine, and music, and see where the evening transports the two of you.
• Bring a babysitter. One thing we implemented on family vacations was to bring a babysitter. We would pay for all of their entry tickets, food, and spending money in exchange for assisting us with the boys during the day. After a fun-filled day with the boys, we would escape and leave them with the babysitter in the hotel and have a night out, just the two of us. It was a way we could relax as a couple and be ourselves for a few hours in the evening.

These are just a few ways you can take care of your marriage first. You will be a happier, more stable couple and your children will witness that. It will teach them that you two represent the most significant people in your family. Additionally, they will emulate that in their marriages because they witnessed how happy and loving you two are to each other and them.

Prepare a getaway together. If it is only one evening or a weekend, plan something for just the two of you. It will do wonders for your marriage and your family.