I was reminded again today how fragile my job security is. The rumor mill is swirling and I wish I had answers. The waiting seems endless. It is easy to get caught up in the negativity of the situation and be mad and disappointed. It is really easy to finger-point and blame others. But I cannot do that even though it is hard, I have to be a positive role model.

During this difficult time I am going through with not knowing what my future holds for me, I am reminiscing about my past and the good times and bad times I have gone through. All of the stepping stones and struggles that have led me to where I am today. And all of the amazing people I have encountered along my way.

I have been reminiscing about the teachers that have inspired me to be a teacher. We had a small elementary school so many of our grades were combined. My 3rd & 4th-grade teacher, as well as my 5th & 6th-grade teacher, inspired me to become a teacher too. They had a joyful, caring, and helpful nature about them and they loved their work! That was very inspiring to an impressionable mind. Those two teachers wanted their students to succeed and to get along with each other. When there was conflict, they each explained things in a kind and helpful way.

I wanted to be that type of teacher. They made their job look easy and fun! I never realized it takes effort and lots of prayer to make that happen.

Being at the middle school level has changed me as a teacher. I have become more compassionate and forgiving as a teacher. I also have a lot of fun with these kiddos. We can share jokes and jabs with each other and have lots of laughs.

These students of mine are going through a difficult time physically, mentally, and socially. I need to be with them to help them guide them through the storms and make it to the shoreline. I need to be a joyful and gentle person in their lives that many of them do not get when they leave my room. It is very difficult to think that there is a possibility of me not being with them. They are the reason I wake up in the morning.

So now I wait on God’s timing. I hope he doesn’t take me away from these students I love so much. But whatever His will is, I have to trust it. If it is His will to leave, I will do it with joy, gentleness, and integrity. It will be the last thing my students and colleagues will see of me. I have to continue being that positive role model for everyone.