When I was in my mid’20s, I was going through some internal turmoil. I was struggling with who I was as a wife. We didn’t have children yet and we were waiting patiently for our first bundle of joy to arrive. I was plagued by two thoughts. One was that I need to be a faithful and supportive wife. The other was the sinful thoughts of what it would be like to be with another person. I had been with my husband from the very beginning and have never been with another man.

One night, I was feeling heavy-hearted. I went online to waste some time before bed and I ended up in a chat room. I was just a voyeur watching all the drama and conversations unfold in front of my eyes. I had a couple of messages and was chatting with some people. It was all very innocent and I was liking the social interactions since I didn’t have any friends. My life was work, home, errands.

I kept going into that chatroom to see who else I could talk to. I received a direct message from someone and the questions they were asking were jaw-droppingly personal. I was new to this whole chat room thing that it took me off guard. I left the chatroom immediately. Until one night, after a couple of drinks, I went back in and the direct messages popped up again. How many lonely people are out there? I welcomed the courage the drinks were giving me and thought it was just words, no action. The person I was chatting with was hundreds or even thousands of miles away from me. *Disclaimer: no photos or videos were exchanged.

I was becoming addicted. I was addicted to the social interaction of the chatroom. I was addicted to the positive words this person was saying about me. I was addicted to the thrill of being flirty with someone else. I also was addicted to the time being wasted in an empty home. (My husband was working nights and 24-hour shifts during that time period.)

This went on for several months. I was chatting with different guys online, deleting my site history, and keeping the secret conversations to myself. I was getting tired of being dishonest toward my husband. My sinful ways were getting the best of me and my conscience was screaming at me to stop. How was I going to tell my husband?

Let’s just rip the bandaid off. One night, as we were talking before we went to sleep, I confessed. I told him everything that I was going through, everything I did to cope with that, and that I made a commitment to stop. His response was unexpected. He was loving, forgiving, and understood why it happened. He was trusting me to stop and if it happened again, I would tell him right away. I have never been in another chatroom since.

Micky and I know we make mistakes. We’re human. The secret to our marriage is…trust. We need to trust each other wholeheartedly that if one of us makes a mistake, we can be open with each other. We need to trust that we can forgive each other and to accept that forgiveness. There should be no reservations when/if we mess up in our lives. And when we do fall, our spouse is there to help pick us up.

It is that level of trust that has helped us to have a deeper relationship, friendship, and marriage.

Is there something you need to open up to your spouse about? Is there something you need to forgive and trust in your spouse? It is not going to be an easy conversation to have. Pray about it. Ask God for the courage to be totally open and trusting of your spouse.