I have been struggling recently…

When I was a little girl, my dream was to be a teacher. I would have my stuffed animals and dolls all lined up in rows. Instead of choosing coloring books in the store, I would choose activity books for different grade levels. I would work in those activity books and then grade my own work.

My dreams of being a classroom teacher came true. But it is totally not how I expected it to be. My teachers growing up all looked like they had it all together. They never once showed any signs of frustration, stress, exhaustion, or panic to us as students.

This school year has been different than most in many ways with numerous things out of our control. I have taught for 24+ years and have never seen anything like it. My job has changed.

Gone are the days of going to work excited about what was in store. Gone are the days of teaching my students’ computer skills and safety with nothing in my way. My imagination and creativity were endless.

Now I have to call audibles countless times a day when apps don’t work and websites blocked for my students. Our tech department is stretched beyond belief with our large school district. My little problem is far from the top of their to-do list. My students are starting to see my frustration (which I have never shown them in the past). I have never been this exhausted coming home. My family and my husband have noticed.

My 8 hour day also involves being a nurse, a janitor, a counselor, a motivational speaker, a social worker, a cheerleader, and a snack provider, on top of teaching the kiddos who walk into my classroom. These are things that have never been mentioned throughout my preparation to be a teacher.

Lately, I have found myself dreaming of something different. But I have several questions too.

• Do I just throw away all that I have worked for to do something new?
• What if I am not successful with my new endeavor?
• Is this new job going to bring in more money for my family?
• Am I ready or too old to start over?

And yet, whenever I have these questions, I see my students, and they pull me right back into teaching them. Dang!

God likes to spice up our lives by giving us challenges. And, oh boy, have teachers received many, many challenges as of late! How we handle those challenges determines our trajectory in life. Talking with God through prayer, leaning on Him for advice, and listening to Him will help answer those questions.

To be honest, I haven’t confided in God lately. As of right now, my family and my students have come first. Excuses fill my heart and I haven’t made any time for Him. Which is why I have many questions and concerns. All He asks is a small fraction of our day to check-in. I think it is time to do that.

I do have some dreams to do something different. I’m not sure I have the courage to jump and go for it. We will see.

Have you ever been afraid to try something different? Please comment below and tell me how you got over your fear.