I am a computer teacher at a public middle school and one of the units I teach is all about Digital Citizenship. For an entire week, 5-8th grade students will take a journey with me on how to be safer and more kind while being on the Internet. The students know I am passionate about this subject and I pray each week I teach it that my passion resonates with them and they take home a little piece of what I taught them that week.

Bullying of the past

Think back to when you were in Elementary and Junior High school. There was no such thing as cyberbullying. There were notes passed in class, talking behind someone’s back, and actual bullying but for most people, the bullying happened that day and then you went home. Sometimes the bullying would last for a longer period of time. I remember back in 6th grade I had a crush on a boy in my class (not hard with only 5 people in your class) and I kept that secret to only my best friend at the time and myself. During that week I was getting “notes” from my crush that he liked me too. I was getting very excited about this prospect of having a “boyfriend”. I made sure I looked nice before I left the house for school. I had a great attitude and life was just amazing. Later that week, I was talking to a classmate and she told me that the whole thing was a lie…a joke…not real and everybody was in on it, including my best friend. My whole world came crashing down around me and I sobbed the whole night. Luckily I had the weekend to calm down and forget about it but once Monday showed up….how was I going to face my classmates? My mother’s favorite advice was to just ignore them and pretend nothing happened.

That was a coping mechanism I learned as I moved through Junior High and High School. I could ignore whoever was bothering me, go home, and let it fade into the distance.

Cyberbullying Today

Kiddos today, including my sons, have it totally different. Bullying has taken a different form from being face-to-face to the screens. Those who are the bully can craft and say whatever they want, press SEND, and then never have to see the reactions of the message they sent. It can be sent anywhere and at anytime in the safety of their peers and home. Those nasty messages found on their devices burn an image in their minds and it never goes away. Even when they delete the message.

How do we stop it?

Kids can be cruel. Their brains are still growing and they do not have the capacity to see into the future what the consequences their choices make. They think with their emotions and feelings at that moment. Unlike adults, we can think about the pros and cons of a choice and can make a better decision. We can “see around the corner” as to what will happen with our choices. Here are some ways to help our children use the devices they have in their hands.

1. We, as parents, are the first teachers of our children. We need to teach them how to be safe and kind when using devices.
2. We need to teach our children that the words they say to another person, will change who that person is. I illustrate a way to do this in the story below this list.
3. We need to monitor our children’s devices and teach them the appropriate ways to use them. Have the devices charging in the kitchen at night. Have a “no phones during meals” policy. Have them talk to you instead of text you.

One of the activities I do with my 8th-grade students is: I take a nice piece of wood, some nails, and a hammer. I tell them that the piece of wood is someone they know. The nail is the device they are using. And the hammer is the words they use. As I am driving the nail into the wood, I shout words and phrases they would use in a conversation when they cyberbully someone. Then I apologize, saying, “Just kidding!” and rip the nail out. What is left? The hole. You change who that person is. They aren’t whole anymore.

If your child is being cyberbullied, you can help with the following steps:

1. Make a report. Have dates, times and frequencies of the incidents. Keep screenshots of the messages.
2. Use Block the Bully apps on their phones. There are many different types of cyberbully blocking apps in both the App Store and Play store.
3. Be supportive. Building trust with your child will help them open up to you when they need your guidance and assistance.

Cyberbullying is becoming an all too familiar part of our children’s lives. If we teach and help our children during this “technological age” to be good citizens online and offline, our schools, our communities and our world will be a more peaceful and less stressful place for our children and grandchildren.